What if it bites me and it dies?
that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.
What if it bites itself and I die?
What if it bites me and someone else dies?
That’s correlation, not causation.
what if we bite each other and neither of us die
oh my god
this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever
I rarely reblog stuff like this, but this is so damn clever and hilarious.
(Source) for the fact in the picture
The name of the judge was Deborah Servitto, and this is the actual court ruling.
Mr. Bailey complains that his rep is trash
So he’s seeking compensation in the form of cash.
Bailey thinks he’s entitled to some monetary gain
Because Eminem used his name in vain.
Eminem says Bailey used to throw him around
Beat him up in the john, shoved his face in the ground.
Eminem contends that his rap is protected
By the rights guaranteed by the First Amendment.
Eminem maintains that the story is true
And that Bailey beat him black and blue.
In the alternative he states that the story is phony
And a reasonable person would think it’s baloney.
The court must always balance the rights
Of a defendant and one placed in a false light.
If the plaintiff presents no question of fact
To dismiss is the only acceptable act.
If the language used is anything but pleasin’
It must be highly objectionable to a person of reason.
Even if objectionable and causing offense
Self-help is the first line of defense.
Yet when Bailey actually spoke to the press
What do you think he didn’t address?
Those false-light charges that so disturbed
Prompted from Bailey not a single word.
So highly objectionable, it could not be
Bailey was happy to hear his name on a CD.
Bailey also admitted he was a bully in youth
Which makes what Marshall said substantial truth.
This doctrine is a defense well known
And renders Bailey’s case substantially blown.
The lyrics are stories no one would take as fact
They’re an exaggeration of a childish act.
Any reasonable person could clearly see
That the lyrics could only be hyperbole.
It is therefore this court’s ultimate position
That Eminem is entitled to summary disposition.
Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!
no but imagine if you drank too much at a bar and then passes out on the floor and no-one could find your pulse so hours later you woke up in the ER or worse a morgue
Dude fake murders. Frame people. Scare the shit out of everyone. Pretend to be dead.
fail gym because you dont have a pulse for them to measure
CPR class: “can i have a volunteer?”
Halloween…be a zombie. Without a pulse. Hell yes.
… How could you possibly not have a pulse if blood were pulsing through your veins? I’m not a doctor but I think that has to be happening for you to live.
It’s because the blood flows continuously instead of in bursts.
It is called a ventricular assist device (VAD). It is used to replace the function of a failing heart or for short term use, typically for patients recovering from heart attacks or heart surgery.